@ameliachantalle (:

Wednesday, February 23

This Is My Perfect Nightmare

,... so when will I wake up and scream?

Songs that used to speak to me like Teenage Dream now shout "in your face" to me.

I keep telling myself that I am no longer committed to you and neither are you committed to me. 

The brain gets it, but the thing where ones heart should be? It keeps telling me I'm dreaming, it was all a lie. That its alright. 

I really think I'm going psycho. Trying my best to put on a brave front when I'm out; but mostly you are in the back of my mind, that little voice that seems like a conscience at times? Yeah  its screaming out to run to you. To tell you I miss you. But that won't work now will it?

Initially uni was going to be fantastic. Even if I was tossed into a sea of 10 000 students. I'm not tall, I'm not gorgeous and I'm not the stand out valedictorian. But it was okay because you'd be there. And we'd work for all that we want. In different faculties non-the-less, but still that hand to hold, that guiding soul..... Now, all I feel or at least have to capacity to is glide through the days. Hoping to not be so lost. 

Hoping that somehow, someway. You'll come home...
Everyone either says one of two things, the first is; that the universe will sort it out, just be patient and believe. 
The other is that I should move forward; it ain't the end of the world. 

Why is it that I'm always the person who "didn't see it coming"?
Is it some undeniably genetic part of me that is just blonde? Is it natural?

A good friend said once, that in any relationship. The guys efforts tend to go down as the relationship progresses, where else the girls just increases. 

It feels so true. But then again, in my heart, my deepest thoughts?
I just know, you're never looking back. And this is no longer home to you.
Not just for now, but forever.

I miss you so painfully, but now; its too late. 

I'm sorry. Goodbye. 
Somehow I know I'll always love you. 

It speaks to me, are you the one that got away?

The last time I saw you smile. I wish you happiness.

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